How loss is a natural part of the menopause
27 January, 2022
The menopause isn’t some old fashioned thing, it’s real, it’s relevant and it’s natural.
Brain fog, hot flushes, loss of libido, difficulty sleeping, to name but a few! Symptoms of the menopause we know and perhaps dread.
We are all unique and individual and for some the challenges the menopause can bring can be severe and have a big impact on not only our everyday life but also the life of those closest to us.
Many experience menopause as a time grief and loss. John W James and Russell Friedman, authors of The Grief Recovery Handbook define grief and loss of any kind as:
‘The end of or change in a familiar pattern of behaviour’.
When we relate this to the menopause, a transition in our life, a time of great change, we can begin to understand how the menopause is, for some, a time of loss.
We are all unique and individual and the menopause impacts women in different ways and at different times. I know for me I felt many losses. I felt a loss of being a woman, less attractive, a loss of control, a loss of self-esteem, a loss of confidence and drive, a loss of ‘being me’. Loss of my own hopes and dreams, when, at times, it all felt so impossible and just too much to think about without bursting into tears. I felt a loss of control over my body that used to behave in a fairly predictable way!!
I also felt a very significant emotional loss. I felt alone. This is hard to explain and to put into words, especially as I am fortunate to have a loving and supportive family, but I felt it deeply and it felt very real.
All losses are felt at 100% and your feelings are justified. You don’t have to be strong, a super woman, or hide your feelings behind a mask, feeling ashamed or embarrassed, questioning yourself as you experience your grief. You are not alone. What you are feeling is both a normal and natural reactions to loss. The menopause is a loss.
A time of change – a new stage of opportunity
So how did I find the way to have a more positive outlook on life and use this time to move forward. For me personally, I didn’t, and still don’t (famous last words) want HRT. Basically I put into practice for myself what I teach to others on a daily basis.
I needed to acknowledge and accept what was happening to me, both physically and mentally, I needed to let it sit with me and to let it be ok. I took responsibility for my reactions to what was happening, only then could I achieve a clearer mindset and understand the impact this was having on my life. That I was in fact, grieving.
I used the skills and tools I have learnt as a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. By following The Grief Recovery Method I have been able to let go of the frustration, the anger, the anxiety and other conflicting emotions I was feeling. Through doing this I have been able to look at my life with a ‘fresh set of eyes’ and a renewed energy. I am able to let go of the negative feelings and to focus on the positives that the menopause has brought to my life.
My journey with the menopause hasn’t always been easy and yes there are times when I could still actually bite someone who crosses me!! However, I now know how to move past this in a healthy way.
If this sounds all too familiar to you please remember that you don’t have to struggle alone. Contact me for a free consultation.
